Nearly Legless Moody
by Alastor Mad-Eye Moody
Summary: Moody and Shacklebolt sit together and talk over a drink and a slightly illegal substance. And Moody decides that it is time for Kingsley to know how he lost his leg. Rated for Some violence.Description of pissing and a drunk younger Moody


**Title:** Nearly Legless Moody  
**Characters: **Alastor Mad-Eye Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt  
**Rating: **PG?  
**Warning:** Discriptions of pissing and dueling, and use of illigal substences  
**Word Count:**1536  
**Summary:**Moody and Shacklebolt are sitting having a cigar of the rather interesting substance kind, and Moody tells Shacklebolt about how he lost his leg...

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**Nearly Legless Moody**

Alastor Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt were sitting in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place enjoying one another's silent company. Kingsley had long ago learned that it was best to speak if it was of consequence or otherwise to ask questions when they are necessary. But the old Auror before him seemed to prefer quiet companionship. It was only recently that he seemed to like a small unimportant chat chat, about Quiddich teams or even the weather. It was probably that long stay in his own trunk with nothing but his own breath fir company.

The little he did know about the trunk was that Moody had been under the imperious Curse the entire time. When he saw him for the first time after the trunk he looked thinner, paler and rather ill, but from what he could gather from their little chats, Bartemius hardly even touched him, if he could avoid it. He left Moody to suffer his own thoughts and insecurities and to wallow in his own failures. He supposed that there was no greater torture, than to be left to ones own mind, lonely. rejected...useless and replaced. It was a wonder moody wasn't battier than Lockhart, dressed in Snapes cloak and flapping around 's singing Waltzing Matilda.

Kingsley was derailed from his train of thought when he heard a low rumbling cure from the older auror in front of him and looked over at him, raising his eyebrow "what's wrong Alastor? gout Gettin to you?" Moody graced the younger man with one of those almighty glares. "I do not have /gout!/ Nor do I have cause te!" he said pointedly spinning his eye in the direction of what must have been Kingsley 4th glass of Ogdens!

"I'm just relaxing wrong with that!" said Kingsley, instantly knowing he has said the wrong thing, when Moody puffed his chest out, looking like some bizarre rooster, he could literally see the hairs on the back of Moody's neck raise like that roosters crown, during a fight! He considered running for the floo, but the old bugger was fast for a gimp! Let alone a normal person!

"There is /nothing/wrong with relaxing? ya say? NOTHING WRONG!!!?" Kingsley sighed as Moody shouted mentally preparing himself for the torture he was about to endure. sitting down and pulling out a rather impressive hand-rolled purple cigar, of the slightly illegal nature, though people usually ignored it when aurors used it. Merlin knows that they were all in need of some way to relax that didn't leave them stumbling all over the place or having paranoid hallucinations.

Lighting the wacky wizard weed, he sat back and waited for the old man to calm down long enough to start the torment. In the beginning of their training most aurors thought that Moody was a senile old so and so, when he did this, but after listening to him from a more senior, experienced position. Was that he did this to the person he was tormenting/torturing/punishing feel very uncomfortable and scare the living and dead shit out of aurors who didn't do their best! In the auror world Moody was the perfect example of why you had to be vigilant!

"lad are ya daught or something?" Moody finally asked making Kingsley hold his breath in the hope that he might escape this yet! "Just take a look at me!? Do ya think it is safe te "Relax"? Hmmm? My leg..." Kingsley slumped in his chair. all hope was lost he was going to get the long boring lecture (That had caused more than just one auror to melt down) That he knew the only escaping was to puff at the wacky wizard weed in slow long drawn breaths!

Moody smirked at Kinglsyes reaction, reaching over and plucking the wacky wizard weed out of his fingers and taking a puff himself. "Are ya listening te me "Kingston Kingsley"?" Moody asked leaning back and staring at the glowing end of the cigar in his hand appreciatively."As I was saying...The day I lost me leg...* Kingsley looked up finally....this wasn't the normal way his lectures went. He could Recite Moody's vigilance lecture off the top of his head, forwards and backwards and tell you with exaggerated Moodyisms as well. So him imitating Moody behind his back during said lecture wasn't uncommon, even if he did get caught. But this was definitely not how his speech started...He was always very vague, and careful not to say how exactly he lost it...only a few ever knew and they either his superiors, his closest friends, People who somehow managed to get hold of his medical files or his enemies who gloated. So this was a big moment. This was Moodys finally letting him be a close friend.

"The day that I lost my leg..." Moody repeated allowing Kingsley to catch up with himself"We were out on the field, A group o us were sitting having a cold supper. Something akin to muggle "spam".We hadn't lit a fire or anything, cause we didn't want to give away our location."his good eye half hooded thinking about that day, the cigar clasped between his already yellow stained and callused fingers" So anyway an old friend Harris Potter...(Father te James Potter)...brought out a large bottle o Ogdens. Naturally te keep us warm on the cold night"said Moody taking a long drawn drag and puffing out some bright orange smoke rings his eye swaying from side to side lazily, instead of spinning irritably,before licking his chapped lips to continue the story

"...so we were on half a bottle each (we duplicated the bottle) an I decided that I needed te take a piss... "pausing to give Kingsley the full extent of what he just said "So I got up an walked inte the wood te do so. And I'm standing in front o this massive tree, trousers round me ankles. Wrong wand in hand, (bottle in the other), and back turned te the world."Moody stood up made the gesture of holding himself in his one hand, took hold of the bottle of Ogdens that Kingsley had forgotten about while listening to the old gimps tale, taking a drag from the cigar accidently pouring some of the bottle onto the floor as he tilts the bottle to have a drag "So I'm taking a piss, and step back so I dont wet me shoes, an I trip cause I have me trousers round me ankles. and fall backwards inte someone, so I turn around only te come face te mask with a death eater! an I reach fir me wand. But cant find it! Cause I'm drunk, and me wand is in my trouser pocket o all places! which is still around me ankles! So I do the only thin I can think te do: "

At this point Moody has spilled half the content of the bottle while telling the story" I piss on his shoes! An o course he looks down in disgust an I sock him in the face with the bottle, grab his wand, an go fir backup. But o course I turn te run yelling " DEATH EATER" When I trip again,"the bottle goes flying as he shows how he hit the poor Death Eater, and Moody plops down in his seat again, orange smoke billowing out of his mouth as he yells Death Eater " getting up and o course the effing Death Eater group show up! So I run...welll...hop fir it... trousers around me ankles, hurling curses at the bastards, when there is a sound like a banshee in heat! and followed by a HUGE Flash o light!" hoping in his seat while using his cigar as a makeshift wand, when he was explaining about the curses and blowing out smoke rings that seemed to explode in mid air" An I get thrown inte the air, about 20 m away. Why I try te get up again, I fall over, an decide I've had enough and reach down te tear me trousers off...only te find the effing leg is gone!"

When moody finally finished the tale a heavy layer of Chudley cannons orange smoke was hanging over head and the fire was lower, but at least he was more relaxed, throwing the stub of the cigar into the fire and watching as it sparked gold and disappeared in a puff of orange smoke, Kingsley leaned forward, having pulled out his own cigar ages ago and puffing at it merrily "One Question Alastor?" asked Kingsley in a measure whisper. "Did you look like a legless hare that night?" grinned Kingsley imagining Moody drunk, and hopping around like a rabbit, mooning the death eaters for all it was worth! "I dunno? One thing is for sure though! Grinned Moody. "What's that?" said Kingsley his deep voice rumbling pleasantly "Pissing on a Death Eaters shoe almost made it worth it!"

The laughter that had come from the kitchen that night, woke Kreature up from his sulking sleep, and caused Molly Weasley to go through the house again looking for Poltergeists and the Twins stash of medicinal Herbs!

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End file.
